Only by going through self-hell, self-questioning, self-doubt, self-distrust, self-paranoia and self-analysation, can a REAL deep sense of self-love, self-respect and self-honour develop.
I know how it feels. It crushes us. We honestly feel ill, insane. We end up cowering in a corner, even though we are alone. Wondering if we are mad. At times, we may long for death, for at least that would bring some peace. It makes us feel terribly alone, and that our existence is meaningless.
You die. You do experience a death. A death of what you thought you knew. A death of how to cope anymore and who you are in this world.
You see the scars and the way it has changed and rearranged your perspective of yourself and the world forever. You remember who you once were before it all. You realise you are forever changed. You are more aware now. More cautious and reserved with your energy. You are deep and more sensitive than most. You ARE different. But BEAUTIFULLY different.
And when you finally step into that with your full power, after facing all the self-doubt and pain that first comes with it, you become grateful for all that you went through. You look back and you see the purpose of it all. You now wouldn’t have it any other way. You value and honour everything that you have been through. An inner journey that not many can understand. An inner journey that not everyone would be able to face. You are amazing. You are strong. Stronger than others would ever be able comprehend on such a deep level. But YOU finally realise it. You live it. You breathe it.
It is only by going through the innermost hell, do we reach such a powerful place of ultimate self-respect and honour. You know what you have been through. Even if others don’t. You know what inner fears and shadows you have faced.
You are the one who loved yourself through it as best you could. You are the only one you had to validate yourself. You are the one who held your own hand, sometimes with the light, and sometimes within the shadow. You are the one who processed all the emotions, even though a lot of the time you didn’t even know what it all meant. You are the one who found the tiniest grain of sanity in sitting alongside the insanity. You are the one who let all hope leave your body, and yet are here now, seeing the purpose that resides in no hope.
And no-one can take that away from you. YOU alone know what you have been through. Be so proud of yourself dear one. You did it all alone. Even those times when being alone at the worst time of your life seemed so unfair….Now you can see why.
There is no more ultimate self-respect and honour for yourself as an empowered strong individual than that.
It was all worth it in the end.
Now you know your worth.
God bless dear soul.
You are amazing.
© INFJ 11.6.2017