Outgrowing Relationships.

All those on the journey of self-love, of becoming whole and complete, of discovering the truth of who they are, go through the stages of no longer being able to resonate with their previous lovers, friends and maybe even family.

It can feel very sad, as relationships that we may have had for years, no longer seem to fulfil us emotionally and mentally. We may go through a long period or many periods of feeling quite lonely.

These stages can make us face self-doubt, as often there is no bad feelings or any particular event that ‘happened’ to change things. All you know is, that you feel different now and cannot seem to connect to someone the way you previously did.

This can lead you to question whether it is you who is the problem? Maybe your being paranoid? Maybe you’re taking this journey all too far?

Plus sometimes we may go through a particular large inner transformation, and quite rapidly seem to disconnect from many of our close friends around us. It is understandable that this is scary and will bring about self-doubt. This is normal, just go with it as best you can. It is all part of the process of facing your fears and letting go.

And quite quickly, within a few months or weeks, other people who do resonate with you, will begin appearing in your life without you even trying.

But sometimes, if you are going through a particularly deep and rapid inner discovery and balancing act, you will find that you will disconnect from friends as fast as you seem to make them. Again, nothing in particular will ‘go wrong’, they will probably even try and continue to hang out with you, but you realise that you cannot relate to them in the same way you did even just weeks before.

When you’re going through a deep process of finding balance and becoming more whole, you will attract and resonate with folk who interact very well with certain facets of your nature. But the more of yourself you discover and integrate, and the more different facets of yourself you incorporate into your being, the more you will see how previous friendships and other relationships, only fulfilled one or two sides for you, and not the whole package that you are now becoming.

You will start to crave people who are ALSO whole, and have many different sides to themselves.

For example, I am a very deep, sensitive and philosophical person. I need to be able to talk about the big and deep things in life, emotions, thoughts, reality, love and fear and etc. I had one friend who I could do this so easily with. But I am also a BIG goofball clown. I need someone who is very silly and doesn’t take life or themselves too seriously. I also had a friend I could do this with and have a real good laugh. And before, depending on my mood, as I would seem to switch sides, I would hang out with whoever I felt was more on my ‘level’ at the time.

But now these two sides within myself are becoming more balanced. I cannot just hang out with the deep friend, as after a while, I need a good laugh, and they can’t be as silly as I can. And I can’t only talk about deep shit. But I also cannot for too long, hang out with the other friend, as it’s brilliant having a laugh, but sometimes I want to go deeper! And he cannot provide that. He is not awake in any way.

I am still on friendly terms with both of these people, and have chats if I see them, but I no longer have a big desire to ‘hang-out’ for long periods, as I would feel imbalanced and unfulfilled in being too much in either direction.

Now I wish for others who are also more balanced, and have understood and integrated many different facets into their natures, knowing it is all one and needed for wholeness. Obviously, there are many other ways that balance and imbalances play out, but this is one example I could give for an idea.

This can be a scary process at first, but eventually, you begin to be PROUD of your growth and the path that this means you are on. Instead, you will accept the path that been chosen for you, and if that means you don’t have long lasting connections, then fine. Inner expansion and wholeness will become more important.

Maybe there is a stage in which we reach where we can have longer lasting friendships after a particular amount of growth. Or maybe because we are always growing as people, maybe some friendships will always come and go.

This journey, however, will certainly force you to slowly learn not to become too attached to anyone. You will still feel connections, deep connections and much love and warmth and respect. But if for whatever reason, after a while, life seems to pull you apart, you will be more at peace and easy going of such things happening, rather than fearing it and trying to hold on.

So please know, if this seems to be happening to you, everything is okay. Just breathe. It means you are on an exciting journey of finding unconditional self-love for yourself and all that exists. It means you are on an important soul journey of discovering self-wholeness and inner completeness within. And those who are not, will not understand.

But everyone will get there eventually. If not this life, then another.

Much love to you all.

Trust the journey…..

© INFJ 10.6.2017

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