Every single relationship has its purpose. Especially these sort.
I have had a very intense one myself that I truly believed was my ‘Twin-Flame’. Now I know he was an important catalyst. My whole life and myself has completely changed since meeting him.
I have read much on Narcissists over the years when in the thick of it myself, and I still do sometimes. And one of the things I hate to read are things like, ‘Well if you had only read the flags’. ”If you had only trusted your gut’. And ”Here’s how to avoid it again”, like it could’ve been avoided in the first place.
All theses types of statements and advice, make it sound as though you could’ve done something to ‘prevent’ it like it ‘shouldn’t’ have happened. Like it didn’t need to.
This creates a ‘victim’ mode. A feeling that you did something’ wrong’ in allowing it.
I would like to say to anyone who has also been through this…it was MEANT to happen.
It was all part of the bigger plan, for you to be broken down, question reality, yourself and everything. You cannot be reborn unless you are first broken down. This is how you re-discover yourself as someone completely new.
These relationships serve as one of our biggest catalysts for growth in life.
I know it doesn’t feel like it when you’re in it and when you’re in the thicket of trying to move on. Please God, I know. I thought I was going to end up in a mental hospital a few times, it was that bad. I really felt mentally and emotionally ill.
But now that I am on the other side to this, (I am still healing, but am growing stronger and more in love with who I am every day.) I am now for the first time SO GRATEFUL for what I have been through.
I can SEE my growth. The growth I know now, I would’ve never had if it was not for the experience of him. I am so much wiser. I am so deep. I am finding balance in myself as a person. I have discovered my life purpose. (To write!)
And most importantly, I have learned and still discovering, unconditional love and acceptance for myself and exactly who I am! The biggest and most beautiful gift.
I am blossoming!
So please know, these relationships are MEANT to happen. There was nothing you could’ve done to ‘prevent’ it. There is no ‘could’ve/should’ve done better’. Nothing went ‘wrong’ anywhere for the experience to have happened.
So you see, there are no victims. Just an experience (yes I know how awful) to help you find yourself and transform.
The hardest experiences are the ones that provide us with the most growth….
Now I would like to highlight the way in which these relationships are there to help you grow.
It is about you discovering you own inner balance of self. Integrating your ‘Light’ and ‘Dark’ sides.
There is usually an almost irresistible attraction between these two, because of the opposites that they are. The ‘Narcissist’ normally too far on the Darker end of the scale, domineering, angry and cruel. Whereas the other, often a sensitive HSP/Empath is all ”Love and Light, Love and Light”.
Neither of these two are balanced. And they are brought together, to energetically merge and integrate the energy of the other so that they may become more balanced and whole on their own.
So yes, the Narcissist has an opportunity to grow from this as well. But as most of us have read about and probably discovered hands on, this doesn’t seem to happen for them. Maybe their purpose is to be that way, acting as catalysts for others….
Now, usually, a massive energy merging happens between these two. Especially the open sensitive. The one most open. I was able to sense his feelings from far away, I could feel when I was just about to see him. His energy felt like a part of my deeper self. Often, it felt as though my higher-self, my inner-voice, was him!
It took me a long time, to realize, that actually now, kind of, it is. But not ‘him’ as such. What I had previously separated with the mind, as ‘MY’ and ‘HIS’ energy, WAS all me, and ALWAYS HAD BEEN.
But through our conditioning of light and dark, good and bad and etc, anything that was ‘dark’, I separated myself from, and seen it as ‘HIM’. His energy.
Often the Sensitives who have these relationships, are scared of being ‘bad’. They couldn’t bare to seem mean, rude or selfish to others. And then meeting someone like this, makes them even more scared to be ‘Dark’, as they never wish to be like their ex Narcissist.
But it is about being OKAY wth YOUR OWN darker nature, thoughts, feelings and impulses and accepting ALL that your psyche possess, that will help you to heal, find balance, feel peace within and move on.
I know that when you begin to face your darker urges and impulses, you will harshly judge them. You may be scared of ‘’becoming a Narcissist’’. I can assure you, you won’t. At times though, you may feel like you are because of this feeling being something new against your usual, ‘must be love and light’ way. But as long as you consciously allow the inner process, with love and acceptance, you will always find your balance.
But yes, sometimes, coming to the energetic balance within, you MAY need to go out of balance a bit to the ‘other side’. This really is okay. It’s your energy field finding balance. After all, you have spent a long time being at one end of the scale, and you find balance by swinging like a pendulum a bit until the pendulum reaches a more stable state.
The Narcissist is the other extreme because they don’t also integrate their ‘opposite’ shown by you, a kinder and more vulnerable energy, with unconditional acceptance. They have fully integrated the ‘Darker side’, great. But to love and accept, vulnerable ”weakness” is just not going to happen. Not in their mind anyway. And DO NOT try and help them with this. It is their journey to take. It is what their soul has chosen to experience before coming here. As is yours. They are supposed to be the way they are, as you are supposed to be the way you are.
And when you further begin to integrate and understand your own darker nature, you will begin to understand why they don’t WANT to change who they are anyway…
These relationships are sent to make you more whole and balanced within yourself. To accept and honor ALL within yourself. The good and the bad. The beautiful and the ugly.
Embrace the experience you have had. It is an amazing opportunity. Feel all that you feel within. Think all that you think.
Allow yourself to acknowledge and just sit with every emotion and thought that may arise within your being. Nothing needs to be fixed. Nothing is broken. Even when you feel broken. BE with that too. You are meant to be who you are in each moment, going through what you are going through.
Just be with the inner turmoil and questions with the least resistance you can. And if resistance does come, then just sit with the resistance.
It is all a process. A long, messy and intense process. A process that will bring up many questions and many emotions. It will seriously and often make you doubt your sanity. It will regularly feel like you are taking one step forward and two steps back.
But I promise you, YOU WILL BE OKAY.
In fact, BETTER than okay. Stronger. Wiser. Fulfilled. Whole and Balanced. Loving yourself. Truly knowing yourself.
I can’t say when or how long it will take. And really, you never stop growing. It is different for everyone. You are on your own unique journey.
But I will say,
You are doing just fine, Youll see…..
~”Dark does not mean negative, and light does not mean positive – it’s like yin and yang, masculine and feminine, day and night. One is not positive and the other is not negative, it’s just two polarities of the same energy.”~
Quoted from this site.
Please read this amazing article for further understanding of what I have explained here.
Please read these Poetry/Prose expressing my personal journey with this…. https://lovedlovingandlovable.com/2017/05/20/the-jo…https://lovedlovingandlovable.com/2017/05/14/i-am-m…